Nubble Wedding

There was a gusty wind. The groom's dad officiated. There was giggling. There were tears of joy. Readings were excerpts from Elvis Costello & Johnny Cash/June Carter songs. Lots of smiles. (I love it when the bride and groom wear jeans.) A lovely Christmas Eve morning ceremony. And the two, with 3 boys from their previous marriages, will have a girl in March.

Looks like I photographed a TV screen...

The big question: how long will my new white fuzzy slippers stay white?

Fortune: A vacation by sea is in store for you.

It is Squirrel Proof

The suet holder/feeder - hung where the squirrels can't get it.

Fortune: Working out the kinks will make for a better tomorrow.

Your one hot ticket

Retired the Hullahoop to Shovel Snow - m4w - 41
Reply to: pers-245@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 8:47PM EST
I got a kick watching you all summer. Now I have the pleasure watching you shovel snow. Your one hot ticket.
Location: White Mts

My one hot ticket?

Fortune: Versatility is one of your outstanding traits.

I am beyond tired

I am beyond tired - m4w - 25
Reply to: pers-313@craigslist.org
and after tomorrow I could forever melt in your arms, feel secure, drown in your aura, your scent, tight in the clasp between your legs, I surrender, our bodies, our body heats wax, and into the fire we smile
Location: indoors

It's like nails on a chalkboard when I read that. Is it supposed to be romantic? Is it romantic?

Fortune: You could realize solid gains today.

Tale of an Annoying Boss

Boss is at the reception desk, which is about 5 feet away from my desk. Boss is assisting a client with paperwork. Boss has been helping client for about 15 minutes. I can hear everything boss and client are discussing. Boss knows this as boss has included me in parts of the conversation. Phone rings. I answer. Call is for boss.

me: It's Bob Bobbers - do you wanna talk to him or should I tell him you'll call him back?
boss: Can you tell him I'll call him back? I'm meeting with a client right now.

Oh. Is that what you're doing? I had no idea.
Really. Boss says it like I have no clue. Perhaps boss wanted me to tell Bob Bobbers, "boss is with a client." But Bob Bobbers doesn't need to know why boss can't take his call.

Boss did something similar awhile ago whilst an auditor was in our office. I answered the phone. Call was for boss. It was the director of one of our programs. Boss was on another line. As per usual, when someone important calls I let boss know - even if boss is on another line.

me: Big Wig is on the other line. Wanna take the call or should I tell him you'll call him back?
boss: (suddenly talking loud enough for auditor to hear) Big Wig is the director of the ABC program - I'll take his call.

No shit? I had no idea Big Wig directed that program. Thanks for pointing that out, twit.

Fortune: Working out the kinks today will make for a better tomorrow.

Downey Woodpecker?

This guy was spied whilst I was raking a few weeks ago. Maybe he's related the guy who flew in for a visit at Mainelife's pad...

Fortune: The greatest patience is humility.

Spotted Today in Portsmouth

Fortune: Every day there's sad news, but each day itself is glad news.

What Happens When You Don't Read the Manual

For some shots from the Portsmouth Halloween Parade by photogs who know how to use their cameras try here here and here.

Fortune: You are sociable and entertaining.

Beach Booty

Fortune: 7/5ths of all people do not understand fractions.

hot brunnette driving ur dad around - m4w - 34

Reply to: pers-445xxxxx7@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-10, 11:42PM EDT
every time i see u running arons with ur dad ur hott u drive a bmw and come often to my buisness love to chat tell me ur dads name so i know its u if u see this hun ur HOTT!!
Location: nashua

Is it acceptable to be an atrocious speller?
arons = errands
"UR hot" makes sense.
"Driving UR dad around" does not.
Why the extra T in hot? Is that how the kids spell it nowadays?

hot brunette at walgreens rochester - m4w - 42
Reply to: pers-442xxxxx1@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-07, 10:45AM EDT
We made eye to eye contact for a few minutes as you walked by , went down to an isle as I walked to other side of store, you left I left you got in white car and went up main st. I watched you walk to car in front of me.....niceeeeee,you are hot........You were looking at me in store I think trying to read my nascar shirt, 8 reasons why I hate #24
Location: rochester

Punctuation is clearly deader-er than chivalry.
I like the "niceeeeee" on account of the E being silent for so long.

Fortune: Son said, "Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he had to."

It's illegal to cut across lot to avoid light

Do folks really have no clue about this? I'm pretty sure it is taught in driver ed.
From today's Portsmouth Herald:

Traffic tip of the week
By Karen Dandurant
October 01, 2007 6:00 AM
PORTSMOUTH — Did you know driving through a gas station to avoid a red light is illegal in New Hampshire?
State police say enough people do not know about that or other small and sometimes obscure laws, so they've decided to issue periodic traffic-safety reminders.
The idea came from Lt. John G. LeLacheur of Troop B. He brought it to his superiors and will lead the charge to educate the public.
One of this week's law tips is the above. It is illegal for any driver to cut across public or private property to avoid a traffic control signal or sign.
"This one happens mostly in congested areas," LeLacheur said. "People come up to an intersection and are third or fourth in line. Instead of waiting, they cut through a parking lot. This puts a lot of congestion in the lots and the owners do not like it."
There are many such laws on the books that people might not be aware of.
"If we can start to do quick reminders on a daily or weekly basis on the things people should be doing, it can help," LeLacheur said. "Some of the reminders might be obvious and some might be more obscure."
LeLacheur said police came up with the idea during traffic-enforcement details.
"We'd been running some details, and people were stopped for violations," he said. "I personally found that people I was stopping had no idea that what they were doing was wrong. Some are violations with set fines, others are up to the discretion of a judge. Knowing it's wrong is key, and we feel it's our responsibility to send out updates."
State police plan to send out updates when laws change, too.
"There were a couple of big ones a few years back — the road clearance law and the move over law," he said.
The road clearance law involves minor accidents. LeLacheur said if drivers can safely clear the lane of travel involved, they are required to do so.
"They can pull into a parking lot or a break down lane," he said. "Many people still have the impression they should stay put. We can still investigate if they have moved by looking at the road and talking to drivers and with witnesses."
Not moving can needlessly tie up traffic, he said.
Cell phones are legal to use while driving in New Hampshire, but LeLacheur said there is a law that says if driving and the use of the cell phone is interfering with operation of a motor vehicle, police can stop the car and issue a summons to the driver.

Fortune: A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial.

View From Four Tree Island

Fortune: Maybe you can live on the moon in next century.

I Heart Mark & Dave

Excerpts from the Kisses & Disses section in the local paper:

September 11, 2007
From our readers:

Big DISSES to the City of Portsmouth for putting in big, fancy curbs that look nice, but have sharp edges and cause you to pop your tires while going around a corner! I don't know how many times I've almost popped my tire, until a few weeks ago, in the 90 degree heat and a car full of kids, when I was driving around the corner going onto Court Street, and bam, goes my tire hard against the curb, and the kids are all yelling to me "stop the car, can't you hear the air coming out of your tire! You got a flat!" Not only did I get a big gash in my tire, my rim is now all scraped up! Please fix these sharp curbs, and put in the ones that won't damage car rims and pop tires. My husband did the same things two weeks later, and many of my friends have had this same problem! It looks like the tire companies will be making a big profit on tires in this city!
— Paula Glynn, Portsmouth


September 18, 2007
From our readers:

Man alive, did I ever get a kick out of your KISSES and DISSES column in Tuesday's (Sept. 11) edition. It seems Paula Glynn, and possibly others, believe the granite curbing the city installed is too "sharp." Said curbing is to blame for all their tire woes. Manure I say. The granite isn't popping a (darn) thing, the driver is. Your vehicle has no business being on the curbing. Learn to drive and your tires will be better for it. Just the facts, ma'am.
— Mark Morrill, York, Maine

Major KISSES to Paula Glynn, her husband and all her friends who are unable to drive. Thanks for the heads up! Please publish your license plate numbers and vehicle descriptions so that when I see you coming I can get off the sidewalk.
— Dave Chapman, Kittery Point, Maine

The opinions expressed in Kisses & Disses do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Seacoast Media Group. Readers are invited to submit their own Kisses & Disses by e-mail to features@seacoastonline.com. Please keep them short, civil, and whenever possible - humorous. Sorry, we do not print anonymous submissions. Please be sure to include your name and hometown for attribution.

Fortune: Avoid taking unnecessary gambles.

My Pretty Green Rusty Bike

1972 Schwinn Varsity

Got her at a garage sale last summer. Five bucks. I really just wanted that bullet shaped headlight - it's peddle/wheel powered. But once I went for a spin on Green Varsity, I was in love - her big comfy seat and upright handlebars. I feel like a kid when I go for a ride.

Fortune: Your eyes will soon be sparkling, keep them open.

People who live in glass houses...

I seen the most PERFECT man again today!! - w4m
Reply to: pers-xxxx52413@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-19, 6:02PM EDT
Again he was working in a hole on 111 in Windham NH Near Delahunty Nurseries & Florist. He was the ONLY one with the yellow hard hat on, Someone HELP ME!!!
Location: Windham NH

RE:I seen the most PERFECT man again today!! - w4m - w4m
Reply to: pers-xxxx8249@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-19, 6:23PM EDT
Well, let me help you.... I seen??? Great english! How about trying ' I HAVE seen, or I SAW'??? And, "Most perfect?" Thats as bad as "110%"... If I was the subject of your affection, I'd walk away after reading your post...Definately NOT an English major...
Location: S. NH

Um, definitely not.

Fortune: Put your mind into planning today. Look into the future.

Even Bridges Need Weeding

Fortune: You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly.

Irving Goes Under

Fortune: Man who walks sideways through airport turnstile going to Bangkok.

A Life Less Ordinary

This phrase keeps popping into my head: A Life Less Ordinary.
Am I living my life as I should? I don't think I am completely.
I need something different.
I need to be more creative.
I can create in my garden, but the gardening season is just about over.
I can be creative in my home with the way I decorate, but that doesn't keep me busy every day. I need to make stuff. This is where I have trouble.
I can make stuff for friends - I think of the things they like and I generally have a deadline (birthday or whenever).
It's really hard for me to sit down and just make something with no one in mind, no deadline.
Do I create with things I like?
Do I pretend I'm creating for a specific friend and their likes?
I'm lost. And I get so lost I don't start. Or I start and don't finish.
Meh.
I dunno.
Obviously, I'm feeling out of place.
I think it's my particular 9 to 5 gig.
I don't mind the 9 to 5, but it has to be worth my time and effort.
I like my job alright, but in some ways it is a step down from where I was.
Part of it is the work. Part of it is the people I deal with at work (clients and a coworker).
There's a plan in the future for me at work, but is it going to happen?
Is it even worth waiting for?
I like that it is somewhat laid back, but there's also an element of discomfort.*
I don't like dress codes, either. This is the first job in many years with a dress code.
It is a business casual dress code, but the fact that I can only wear jeans on Fridays is too uptight for me.
Sigh.

*It's kind of ironic that I didn't take a job awhile back because the owner of the company came across as a hot head. Now I have a coworker who causes a lot discomfort - I cannot think of a better word. She's mostly a nice person, but she's got a lot of annoying personality traits. She lacks time management skills. She's borderline racist, if one can be. And she continuously says inappropriate things to clients and around the office - which I'd prefer not to hear.
I've got to do something. Learn to shut her out or tell her to "shut it".

I've also got to create so I can finish this and move on to other projects:

Fortune: Your path is arduous but will be amply rewarding.

Mmm-mmm

Dear Keebler elves, you make the best Animals Crackers ever. "Good source of calcium" - how can I resist?

Fortune: You are never bitter, deceptive or petty.

What is this?

Found: under the back stoop - just there, not attached to anything

Length: about 6 inches

Weight: approximately 5 pounds

Material: some kind of non-magnetic metal - or stone - or concrete?

Fortune: Happiness always accompanies you.

Birthday Gifts

Cinder block and slate garden bench

Printer/Scanner/Copier

Both installed by a handsome, smiling handy man.

Fortune: You will be rewarded for being a good listener.

Charge!

One of my brother's toys...lovingly restored since 1988 (?).

Fortune: Others see you as lively, friendly and witty.

Before & After

(skirtless)

Fortune: A journey must begin with a single step.

upper middle class couch bears no evidence of contact with naked ass - $500

I dunno - is this funny, or does it go just beyond funny and into weirdville?

Reply to: sale-xxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-28, 4:31PM EDT
I am offering a very nice, upper middle class couch for sale. The wife and I bought it from Ethan Allen two years ago for thousands. But you know how it is. It doesn't go with the new drapes my wife bought when she was pissed at me for having that obvious affair with my secretary. So we're redecorating. Again.
I'll put it to you this way, this thing has clearly been used. I mean, it's had 3 kids and the dog all over it. But it's a fricking Ethan Allen sofa, people! I paid two grand for it, not two years ago. And it's not like you could afford to buy one of these babies new, now can you?
It's a hell of a couch, if not for the fact that it's from Falmouth, but also because it's particularly resilient. It's had my naked, sweaty, hairy ass on it more times than I can count but you wouldn't know it. That's because I paid extra to have it Scotch-guarded. I'm telling you. It's repelled the stains of semen, vomit, sweat, shrimp scampi, wine, baby spit up, and urine. And that's just what I can recall off the top of my head as I sit at my gorgeous mahogany desk in my Portland office between clients.
There is one place where my extremely high-end exotic cat has badly scratched the couch, but that won't be noticeable to you, Mr. Munjoy Hill.
So please contact me and let me know when you can bring your rusted out Subaru to my semicircle driveway to pick it up. My wife will be happy to pretend she's heartbroken to see her couch go as she looks down her beautifully reshaped nose at you. And I'll be glad to stare hungrily at your 22-year-old girlfriend's fine, fine art school ass as the two of you haul it out through the double doors of our mcfoyer.

Fortune: You may have to repeat yourself to be understood.

Oh Summer - don't leave me

Fortune: Find release from your concerns and have a good time.

"Rod Iron Metal Scrolled furniture shelf like a small bakers rack - $15"

Reply to: sale-xxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-22, 1:44PM EDT
This is a cute shelf made of a rod iron like metal. It has a green finish and nice scroll work and embellishments. Could have many uses. Cleaning house and making room for new furniture. In New Condition Measurments 19 inches Wide 8 and 1/2 inches Deep 48 Inches Tall $15.00 Priced to go
This item has been posted by-owner.
Location: Gorham
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial

"Rod" iron?

Fortune: You gotta know how to spell it in order to sell it.

What?

Police: man who lit himself on fire was a local; Suffered from depression
By MICHAEL GOOT
KITTERY, Maine — Police have identified the man who committed self immolation Sunday by dousing himself in gasoline and setting himself ablaze as Nathan C. Gagner.
Gagner, of 135 Whipple Rd, was 27 and suffered from depression, police said.
Police have concluded their investigation and are calling his death a suicide by fire, according to a release from Police Chief Edward Strong.
It was just after 4 p.m. Sunday when Gagner sat himself on the sidewalk outside 75 Whipple Rd. — across from Gate 2 of the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard — poured gasoline over his head and ignited a flame.
Witnesses, including one who Foster's has chosen not to name, watched in horror as Gagner burst into flames, seated and silent.
The witness was driving through the area when she came across the incident."
As I was coming down the road, I saw this man pouring gasoline on himself, and a minute later, he was all ablaze," she said. "When I got closer, I couldn't believe it."
Not knowing what to do, she stopped and got out of her car.
The witness added that although she did not get a good look at the man's face, she believed he had long hair and was wearing shorts.
"I've never seen him," she said. "I have no idea who he was."
She said she saw an "older couple" in the area attempting to get the attention of nearby residents.
"They came out with their garden house and they were bringing water out with coolers, pouring it on him," she said.
In photos taken on her cell phone, several people can be seen rushing back between the man and a nearby house with buckets of water, while a couple took turns dousing him with a garden hose.
Steve Alexander, who lives nearby, said he did not witness anything first-hand, but heard that the gentleman bought a container of gasoline at the Exxon station at about 3:30 p.m.
"They said he seemed normal," he said.
The Kittery Police Department and the Kittery Fire Department responded to the scene soon thereafter, extinguishing the fire. Gagner was then taken by ambulance to Portsmouth Regional Hospital, where doctors pronounced him dead at 5:30 p.m.
Portsmouth police became involved when he died.
Portsmouth Naval Shipyard spokeswoman Danna Eddy confirmed that the incident happened off shipyard property, so the public relations office was not involved.
Multiple ambulances and fire trucks from the Kittery and Portsmouth Naval Shipyard Fire departments had responded to the scene, Alexander said.
"Our thoughts and prayers are certainly with his family," Alexander said.
An evidence technician from the New Hampshire Medical Examiner's Office said the medical examiner would determine the cause of death, but had no other information.
Any further questions should be directed to Chief Edward Strong by phone or email, edstrongkitterypolice.com

This is perplexing - tragic, sad, etc. But what I think is strange is the witness taking pictures. Was she doing it upon request of police personnel? Or just thinking, "this is something you don't see everyday..."
I don't get it.

Fortune: Your courage will bring you honor.

The Loons on Lake Sunapee

Fortune: A smile is your passport into the hearts of others.

If I had some money...

I'd buy her and restore her...even though she has no heating, plumbing, bathroom, or kitchen. Sigh. I thinks she's so pretty, especially her curlicue dormer trim...
Details here. Sale pending.

Fortune: What's vice today may be virtue tomorrow.

Birdhouse Project

before after

Fortune: Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.

Sick Boys

Saw Social Distortion (only 2 of these gents are currently in the band..?) last night at the Casino Ballroom in Hampton and had quite the fun time. A hot, sweaty, good time followed by a dip in the ocean. It always feels good to be surrounded by loud music, fun friends and the heavily tattooed.

Fortune: Happiness is a state of mind.