upper middle class couch bears no evidence of contact with naked ass - $500

I dunno - is this funny, or does it go just beyond funny and into weirdville?

Reply to: sale-xxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-28, 4:31PM EDT
I am offering a very nice, upper middle class couch for sale. The wife and I bought it from Ethan Allen two years ago for thousands. But you know how it is. It doesn't go with the new drapes my wife bought when she was pissed at me for having that obvious affair with my secretary. So we're redecorating. Again.
I'll put it to you this way, this thing has clearly been used. I mean, it's had 3 kids and the dog all over it. But it's a fricking Ethan Allen sofa, people! I paid two grand for it, not two years ago. And it's not like you could afford to buy one of these babies new, now can you?
It's a hell of a couch, if not for the fact that it's from Falmouth, but also because it's particularly resilient. It's had my naked, sweaty, hairy ass on it more times than I can count but you wouldn't know it. That's because I paid extra to have it Scotch-guarded. I'm telling you. It's repelled the stains of semen, vomit, sweat, shrimp scampi, wine, baby spit up, and urine. And that's just what I can recall off the top of my head as I sit at my gorgeous mahogany desk in my Portland office between clients.
There is one place where my extremely high-end exotic cat has badly scratched the couch, but that won't be noticeable to you, Mr. Munjoy Hill.
So please contact me and let me know when you can bring your rusted out Subaru to my semicircle driveway to pick it up. My wife will be happy to pretend she's heartbroken to see her couch go as she looks down her beautifully reshaped nose at you. And I'll be glad to stare hungrily at your 22-year-old girlfriend's fine, fine art school ass as the two of you haul it out through the double doors of our mcfoyer.

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"Rod Iron Metal Scrolled furniture shelf like a small bakers rack - $15"

Reply to: sale-xxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-22, 1:44PM EDT
This is a cute shelf made of a rod iron like metal. It has a green finish and nice scroll work and embellishments. Could have many uses. Cleaning house and making room for new furniture. In New Condition Measurments 19 inches Wide 8 and 1/2 inches Deep 48 Inches Tall $15.00 Priced to go
This item has been posted by-owner.
Location: Gorham
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial

"Rod" iron?

Fortune: You gotta know how to spell it in order to sell it.

What?

Police: man who lit himself on fire was a local; Suffered from depression
By MICHAEL GOOT
KITTERY, Maine — Police have identified the man who committed self immolation Sunday by dousing himself in gasoline and setting himself ablaze as Nathan C. Gagner.
Gagner, of 135 Whipple Rd, was 27 and suffered from depression, police said.
Police have concluded their investigation and are calling his death a suicide by fire, according to a release from Police Chief Edward Strong.
It was just after 4 p.m. Sunday when Gagner sat himself on the sidewalk outside 75 Whipple Rd. — across from Gate 2 of the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard — poured gasoline over his head and ignited a flame.
Witnesses, including one who Foster's has chosen not to name, watched in horror as Gagner burst into flames, seated and silent.
The witness was driving through the area when she came across the incident."
As I was coming down the road, I saw this man pouring gasoline on himself, and a minute later, he was all ablaze," she said. "When I got closer, I couldn't believe it."
Not knowing what to do, she stopped and got out of her car.
The witness added that although she did not get a good look at the man's face, she believed he had long hair and was wearing shorts.
"I've never seen him," she said. "I have no idea who he was."
She said she saw an "older couple" in the area attempting to get the attention of nearby residents.
"They came out with their garden house and they were bringing water out with coolers, pouring it on him," she said.
In photos taken on her cell phone, several people can be seen rushing back between the man and a nearby house with buckets of water, while a couple took turns dousing him with a garden hose.
Steve Alexander, who lives nearby, said he did not witness anything first-hand, but heard that the gentleman bought a container of gasoline at the Exxon station at about 3:30 p.m.
"They said he seemed normal," he said.
The Kittery Police Department and the Kittery Fire Department responded to the scene soon thereafter, extinguishing the fire. Gagner was then taken by ambulance to Portsmouth Regional Hospital, where doctors pronounced him dead at 5:30 p.m.
Portsmouth police became involved when he died.
Portsmouth Naval Shipyard spokeswoman Danna Eddy confirmed that the incident happened off shipyard property, so the public relations office was not involved.
Multiple ambulances and fire trucks from the Kittery and Portsmouth Naval Shipyard Fire departments had responded to the scene, Alexander said.
"Our thoughts and prayers are certainly with his family," Alexander said.
An evidence technician from the New Hampshire Medical Examiner's Office said the medical examiner would determine the cause of death, but had no other information.
Any further questions should be directed to Chief Edward Strong by phone or email, edstrongkitterypolice.com

This is perplexing - tragic, sad, etc. But what I think is strange is the witness taking pictures. Was she doing it upon request of police personnel? Or just thinking, "this is something you don't see everyday..."
I don't get it.

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If I had some money...

I'd buy her and restore her...even though she has no heating, plumbing, bathroom, or kitchen. Sigh. I thinks she's so pretty, especially her curlicue dormer trim...
Details here. Sale pending.

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before after

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