Thursday, October 1, 2009

New Blog

I've moved all the silly personal ads to a new blog.
Check out: Lonesome Whistle

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

From the Portsmouth Herald

DUI checkpoints bully innocent drivers
June 23 — To the Editor:

(Open letter response to the Portsmouth Police STEP coordinator regarding DWI checkpoint survey.)

After I was stopped for about 20 minutes at a DUI checkpoint in Portsmouth on June 12, I was handed a postcard survey to comment on my opinions and experience. Instead of returning the survey to the Portsmouth Police, I decided to respond to the survey though this letter to the editor.

I was stopped at the DUI checkpoint on Market Street in Portsmouth. When I first approached the road block, having just passed under the Sarah Mildred Long Bridge, I thought there was a large accident, but within a few seconds and as I got closer, I could see it was a DUI checkpoint. I was stopped and asked if I had consumed any alcohol that evening and when I replied "yes," I was asked to step out of my car and I was led over to the sidewalk.

There were huge lights illuminating the area and at least 30 police cars from many different police agencies parked there, including a giant red, police truck/trailer. I was the only person being tested at the time and there were about five or six police officers flanking me on either side, within a few feet of me, as well as the one officer about two feet in front of me, insisting that I follow his every direction — to the word.

The officer asked me to perform all of the tests that most of us are aware of: close your eyes and touch the bridge of your nose with your index finger; walk nine paces heel to toe and count off the steps; follow a pen with your eyes being waved side to side about 12 inches in front of your face only with your eyes, without turning your head; balance on one leg while holding the other leg outstretched for 30 seconds; count 1 to 30, one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand. All of this under the glare of huge floodlights with at least 50 police officers standing around and at least five standing right next to me, staring at me. At one point I was told "I am going to invade your private space now" after which the officer stood nose to nose with me and asked me to breathe on him.

I was asked at least twice where I had been drinking, as if the establishment that had served me was somehow negligent by doing so, and we have all read lately how Margarita's has been targeted by the Exeter police; as if I appeared intoxicated enough that a bartender should have refused me drinks.

I told the officer that was barking directions in my face as if I was in boot camp, that this scenario was quite intimidating and that I was nervous and that was affecting my test performance; he dismissed my comments and acted like I was making excuses for being drunk. In fact, at the end of 15 minutes or so of testing as described above, I was told that I was showing signs of being impaired and asked if I would submit to a breath test. I asked what my options were and was told that if I refused I would be arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol.

After being told that, I agreed to take the breath test and I was told to blow into the breath analyzer as if I was blowing up a balloon, I did, my blood alcohol level was .01. Yes, that's right, .01, about what it would have been had I recently rinsed with mouth wash, yet had I not agreed to take the breath test I would have been arrested for DUI.

Portsmouth Police STEP coordinator: I agree that drunken drivers should be kept off our roads, but I don't think the roadside DUI checkpoint tests for impairment, with the exception of the breath test, are very accurate, nor do I think all of the police officers are good judges of impairment, based on my experience.

I suggest a breath test to start with, that would do the job faster, be equally as effective and much less imposing and inconvenient for responsible drivers, and city patrons like myself, and less expensive too. If six of your officers, with giant floodlights and all of their training, can be so inaccurate in assessing my level of impairment, I don't think that a single, busy, distracted bartender, in a dimly lit bar, should be expected to do better.

Fred Levine
Exeter



You tell 'em, Fred.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Cream Cheese and Apple Juice




Fortune: You are sociable and entertaining.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Plan for new offices in Kittery challenged

From the Portsmouth Herald:
By Dave Choate
dchoate@seacoastonline.com
February 12, 2009
KITTERY, Maine — A proposed building project on Route 1 has some unhappy abutters seeking changes.
Abutters Bill and Eileen McCarthy of Adams Drive have enlisted attorney Patrick Bedard of Bedard & Bobrow as they seek Planning Board alterations to aspects of a plan featuring two new office buildings and a parking lot at 240 Route 1. Bill McCarthy said he doesn't want to halt the project altogether, but he has serious concerns and thinks the project's scope is not right for the area.
"This is not on scale with the neighborhood," he said.
McCarthy said he has an issue with the setback, which he said is supposed to be 40 feet under Kittery town code, and the proposed height of the building. He said the setback from a proposed ramp in the project to the McCarthys' property, which also houses a small bed-and-breakfast, is not the 40 feet it's supposed to be. He cites a proposed ramp next to the building as being inside the setback, a definition the Planning Board has debated due to a long driveway that runs in between the McCarthy property and 240 Route 1.
McCarthy also said the height of the building exceeds limits set out in the town's ordinances.
A Jan. 15 letter from Town Attorney Duncan McEachern to town staff states the Planning Board will be tasked with determining weather the developer's use abuts a residential district, in which case a 40-foot setback would be required, or if it does not and a 30-foot setback could be maintained. A Jan. 27 letter from Bedard outlining McCarthy's position offers that a setback of 40 feet should be maintained between the development and the properties of McCarthy and neighbors David and Barbara Durling.
McCarthy said he's been "frustrated" by the process, which he feels has gone by without the Planning Board critically reviewing the issues he has brought up. He has been unsuccessful in his attempts to get answers from staff at Town Hall, he said.
"I'm trying to muddle through this process, and I'm not really getting cooperation from town officials," McCarthy said.
At the Jan. 8 board meeting, when the issue was last discussed, the minutes indicate that members of the board agreed with a recommendation from Town Manager Jon Carter to move the project along for review by the town attorney and CMA Engineering. According to those minutes, CMA was to be tasked with clarifying the setback and buffer issues for the board.
Town Planner Sandra Mowery said in an e-mail to the Herald last week that she could not comment on the issue because McCarthy had enlisted legal counsel. When reached Wednesday evening, Baudo also said he did not wish to comment on the project.
The Planning Board agenda features an item for the board to discuss and take action on a plenary site review for the project Thursday night at their regularly scheduled meeting.


The Planning Board will be tasked with determining weather?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Fair seeks art from recycled materials

From the Portsmouth Herald:
February 09, 2009
PORTSMOUTH — The arts committee is currently searching for professional area artists who use recycled materials to create their art work.
The work will be displayed throughout the Portsmouth Public Library during May. Work will not be for sale, but contact information will be given. Artwork should be insured and ready by the end of April.
The fair, organized by a committee of volunteers, will again be sponsored by Portsmouth Listens, the Piscataqua Sustainability Initiative and the City of Portsmouth, with support from Seacoast Media Group.


Too bad they didn't think it was important to include contact info...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Here the Fog Horns

$1100 / 2br - House Across the street from public dock & Frisbees (pepperrell rd)
Reply to: hous-101959xxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-02-03, 5:30PM EST
Quaint 1880's built 2 bedroom home in the heart of Kittery Point. Walk to everything. All hardwood floors one full bath with old clawfoot tub. Full unfinished basement. Here the fog horns!! Available March 1st. Please call 603-380-4xxx
Location: pepperrell rd
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


Fortune: Your mentality is alert, practical and analytical.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Icicle, Icicle, Icicle





Fortune: You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Cranky & Disturbed In the Wilderness







Fortune: A window of opportunity won't open itself.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Government Bailout

George Carlin: I don't own any stocks or bonds. All my money is tied up in debt.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Gilbert at 24 Hours

Congratulations to the Adams family.
Fortune: There is no greater pleasure than seeing your loved ones prosper.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Forty is Fabulous

Friends, food, drink, the beach, a bonfire and shhhhh...skinny dipping.

Fortune: Idleness is the holiday of fools

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Maine store's ape found in Vermont

By Associated Press
September 09, 2008 8:59 AM
EAST MACHIAS, Maine — A stolen mechanical gorilla that was a fixture outside a flea market store in Maine has been located two states away in Vermont.
Lowell Miller realized over the Labor Day weekend that his 8-foot-tall gorilla dubbed "Seemore" had been stolen from Sandy's Sales in East Machias. This week, Vermont State Police discovered Seemore in a corn field after a video confession surfaced on Youtube.com.
The video shows the hooded abductor with a sock puppet on his hand first demanding ransom, then apologizing for causing a flap.
The video appeared in response to a video posted by the gorilla's creator, Ken Booth from the Gorilla Robot Factory in Akron, Ohio.
Fortune: Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise and balance.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

8-foot mechanical ape stolen from Maine store

By Associated Press
September 03, 2008 9:51 AM
EAST MACHIAS, Maine — A giant gorilla that's been a longtime fixture outside a flea market store in East Machias has gone missing and its owner is asking that the mechanical ape be returned, no questions asked.
Lowell Miller didn't realize that his gorilla had been stolen from Sandy's Sales on U.S. 1 until closing time Sunday. Miller thought his clerk had wheeled the ape inside, and the clerk thought Miller had.
Miller said he was amazed that anyone would steal such a heavy object. Valued at about $1,500, it has a cement platform and is equipped with motors that turn the gorilla sideways and make its arms go up and down.
State police have put out an all-points-bulletin on the primate, which they suspect may be holed up in some college students' apartment.
Information from The Bangor Daily News

Fortune: Listen to the wisdom of the old.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Spring






Fortune: Good clothes open many doors. Go shopping.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Men Seeking Women

handy man plus -
Reply to: pers-71317xxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-06-09, 8:25AM EDT
ladies.....tired of the same old fantasy? we are a team of highly skilled carpenters who are in great shape and love to work with our shirts off just fo you. we do it all from the smallest of jobs to whole house remodels. you will love our attention to detail.

RetroElvis in town visiting looking to meet someone. - 38
Reply to: pers-7131xxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-06-09, 7:36AM EDT
In town for the "Ultimate Elvis Tribute Artist Competition" in Boston June 9-17th and would love to spend some time with an intelligent and gorgious woman during my stay here. I have just separated from my wife of 13 years and would really love to meet someone willing to have some fun and show me Boston. I am really a down to earth guy that doesn't get all wrapped up in myself just beautiful woman! In case you are interested visit my RetroElvis on the web and see if I am worthy of your loving hands.
Fortune: A rare source of pleasure will be revealed to you.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Walkin' Home









Fortune: Your reputation is your wealth.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I dunno

From the Portsmouth Herald:
Maine resident seeks wife, offers cash reward

By Deborah McDermott
May 20, 2008 2:48 PM
WELLS, Maine — Are you a female between the ages of 23 and 43, an outdoor type with a sense of humor, and looking for love? And, oh yes, could you use $5,000?

Charles Haeberle could be looking for you.
The 39-year-old Key West transplant has been in Maine for six years, hoping to meet Ms. Right. "I dated a few girls here and there. They were very nice, but they weren’t THE girl. I’m just searching for what everyone’s searching for — a girl I can spend the rest of my life with."
Now he’s ready to put his money where is heart is. Haeberle, a Wells resident and general manager of the Lodge at Kennebunk, took out an ad last week in The York Weekly offering $5,000 to the woman he marries.
Actually, he will pay $400 after the fourth successful date, $1,100 at the engagement and $3,500 at the wedding."
Everybody needs money and I have money, so I figured what the heck," said Haeberle. "I know it sounds silly. But really, it costs no more than it costs for an online dating service. And I haven’t had much luck with them. So I figured why not cut out the middle man?"
Haeberle came to Maine at the urging of his mother, who, as the ad states, told him, "Go to Maine. You will find a nice girl."
"When I first moved here, where did she send me but Ogunquit," he said with a laugh, referring to the fact that many gay and lesbian people vacation there. After going to a couple of different bars, "I said, 'Mom, I don’t think this is where I belong.’"
He said he loves Maine and has grown very fond of his adopted home."
If you live somewhere else in the country, the rumor is that people from Maine and New England are stand-offish and cold. I realized once I lived here that Mainers started that rumor so people won’t move here," he said. "It’s not true. It’s a very warm and accepting place. The people are so nice. But it is cold."
He said after several years of getting nowhere on the dating scene, three years ago he wrote a poem about his "perfect girl" that he put in a local paper, but he didn’t include a way for anyone to reach him. "
Maybe I watched (the movie) 'Message in a Bottle’ too much," he said. "I actually put the poem in the bottle and threw it in the ocean. I never heard back from anyone."
He describes himself as 5-feet, 9-inches tall, weighing less than 190 pounds. "I am not Brad Pitt but I am not the elephant man, either," he wrote in his ad. He travels widely, and he’s physically active, hiking, kayaking, whitewater rafting and such.
What kind of person is he looking for?"
She has to laugh, because I like to make things funny all the time. She has to love to travel. No grandmother or on the verge of becoming one. But she either want kids or has them. I really want a family. She has to love restaurants and I have two dogs, so she has to like dogs," he said.
He said he knows offering a reward for a future wife is a bit odd, but he said he doesn’t know what else to do. "I don’t drink, so I don’t go to bars very often. And I’ve been to churches, but I haven’t had luck there, either," he said.
"This is my way of being proactive. I know there are so many nice girls who are lonely just like I am," he said.
According to his ad, he already has a four-carat engagement ring, "and I even have our one-year anniversary gift."
So far, the York Weekly ad has only generated four responses. He also put the ad on Craigslist, and is having more success there, although "we’re just in the e-mail stage now."
He said if this latest effort doesn’t work, he’ll probably leave Maine. "I love Maine, but I can’t stand this 15 feet of snow without my soul mate," he said.
Interested? Haeberle’s e-mail address is Thetraveller207@yahoo.com.

This seems wrong. Or hillbilly.

Fortune: The love of your life will appear in front of you unexpectedly!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Dental Hygentist - m4w (Portsmouth )

Reply to: pers-6747xxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-09, 7:34PM EDT
Are all Dental Hygentists completely crazy, insecure and insane?

No, but the people who think they are hygentists are.


Does everyone else thinks Cardinals are following them, or is it just me?
Every time I go outside the Cardinals start chirping and landing nearby.
Even when I come inside they're hanging out on the porch.
Maybe they want me to fill up the bird feeder...

Rotten

It only took a few hours, but I did manage to replace the rotten board underneath the back door. When I sat down, I thought it would go quickly. After 30 minutes I was wondering what I'd gotten myself into and perhaps I was highly under qualified for the job.
Before
At this point, I was really wishing someone hadn't built the stoop in front of that board.
Later, I was annoyed when I saw I was not going to be able to pull out these nails with my hammer. Thank goodness for pliers.

Phew. I finally got it all out.
Before I started, I cut off a piece of the gray painted wood, which was blocking the place where I needed to slide in the new board. I ended up buying a chisel 'cuz I still couldn't slide the board in. I had to get it around another piece of decking.
Getting the new board in was not easy, either. I really had to whack it. Bonus: I've been trying for days to set my watch back to regular time. I somehow switched it to military time awhile ago and I have no idea how I did it. No idea how to undo it. While contorting myself in all sorts of strange positions to get the old board out, I sat on my watch, which I was not wearing, and my butt cheek managed to fix it! Cool.
Fortune: Put your mind into planning today. Look into the future.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Attracted to my Hygenist - m4w - 40

Reply to: pers-6719xxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-07, 5:14PM EDTI
doubt you will read this but just wanted to let you know that I think your gorgeous and I have a hard time maintaining my thoughts when we are together. I keep imagining that as you are over me and doing an exam you lower your face mask and plant a nice long slow kiss on me.Your married and I am married but would love to meet for lunch or something if you are interested. I am not sure if you feel the same way about me or your just doing your job but I thought I would give this a shot. Maybe the thought of finding someone attractive after rooting around in their mouth for an hour or so is beyond imagination but I have been thinking about this for a long time now and this is one way for me to find out. I don't want this to get weird or anything and I do not want to leave my wife so don't worry about that. If you are interested please write me back and tell me something about myself that we have talked about recently and we can take it from there. You work in Dover and are very sexxxxyy : )
Have a great day Gorgeous