Am I living my life as I should? I don't think I am completely.
I need something different.
I need to be more creative.
I can create in my garden, but the gardening season is just about over.
I can be creative in my home with the way I decorate, but that doesn't keep me busy every day. I need to make stuff. This is where I have trouble.
I can make stuff for friends - I think of the things they like and I generally have a deadline (birthday or whenever).
It's really hard for me to sit down and just make something with no one in mind, no deadline.
Do I create with things I like?
Do I pretend I'm creating for a specific friend and their likes?
I'm lost. And I get so lost I don't start. Or I start and don't finish.
Meh.
I dunno.
Obviously, I'm feeling out of place.
I think it's my particular 9 to 5 gig.
I don't mind the 9 to 5, but it has to be worth my time and effort.
I like my job alright, but in some ways it is a step down from where I was.
Part of it is the work. Part of it is the people I deal with at work (clients and a coworker).
There's a plan in the future for me at work, but is it going to happen?
Is it even worth waiting for?
I like that it is somewhat laid back, but there's also an element of discomfort.*
I don't like dress codes, either. This is the first job in many years with a dress code.
It is a business casual dress code, but the fact that I can only wear jeans on Fridays is too uptight for me.
Sigh.
*It's kind of ironic that I didn't take a job awhile back because the owner of the company came across as a hot head. Now I have a coworker who causes a lot discomfort - I cannot think of a better word. She's mostly a nice person, but she's got a lot of annoying personality traits. She lacks time management skills. She's borderline racist, if one can be. And she continuously says inappropriate things to clients and around the office - which I'd prefer not to hear.
I've got to do something. Learn to shut her out or tell her to "shut it".
I've also got to create so I can finish this and move on to other projects:
Fortune: Your path is arduous but will be amply rewarding.
2 comments:
Hunny, just remember that when you create it should be fun. So, no stress please. Just sit down at the table/desk and start working on something (like I do w/ writing), you find your answer soon enough. ;->
Thanks, Bunny.
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