More Chronicles of Bah!

Today boss told me it wanted to review my evaluation with me. I said, "Okay. How about this afternoon?" It agreed.

Boss managed to be busy doing other things all day. Twenty-five minutes before my departure time boss asked if I'd like to do the review now. Note: it takes boss an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes (on a good day). I said, "No, let's do it tomorrow."

Boss went on blubbering about the evaluation forms stating no one receives Above Standard ratings unless they do outstanding work and have been with the company for many years. And added, "You really can't give a new employee an Above Standard rating because then they have nothing to strive for."

Are you for fudgin' real, boss!?

Boss proceeded to tell me I'm an outstanding employee and I'll probably have a bunch of Above Standard ratings on next year's evaluation. What about this year, you idiot!?

Then boss had the nerve to ask coworker and I if we were pleased with our increases. (Everyone got a 2.3% cost of living increase - supposedly.) We both commented on how it's not really an increase since the cost of everything else is up. It's only about 20 bucks more a week before taxes, so it's not a whole heck of a lot.

So then boss says something along the lines of, "I didn't put in for merit increases for anyone because gibberish blah nonsense gotta fill out a form." And I say, "Uh. What? What is the procedure for merit increases?"

This is what boss does. Boss says a bunch of words I know and understand, but strings them together in ways that make absolutely no sense. Most of the time boss stammers and then stops mid sentence before going off on some unrelated tangent.

I asked boss again to explain. More nonsensical strings of words.

We'll have to hire an interpreter. Now we're never gonna get those increases.

Fortune: Never tell employee you didn't put in for merit raise - she apt to spit in tasty coffee she make for you.

The Chronicles of Bah!

At work today we met a new colleague. New colleague works for an agency we deal with a lot.

New colleague is cute and petite. After new colleague leaves boss tells me, "I told new colleague, 'Good things come in small packages.'"

Is anyone else bothered by this? Why point out new colleague's size? You want points for that, boss? Geez.

Leave it to boss to always make note of the obvious.

Perhaps I am so annoyed with everything boss says I can't think straight.

Know what it (I haven't wanted to reveal boss's gender, you know...to protect the ignorant - from this point forward boss's pronoun is 'it') said to me today? I was trying to fix some technical issues we were having. I was perplexed. Technology is not my bag. Anyhow, it said, "I like when you don't know stuff."

I said, "I like it when you're not here."

Naw. Didn't really say that. Only because when boss isn't in it will call the office and say, "Hi!!!! (yes - with numerous exclamation points) I'm calling you. On the phoooone."

Yup. It is all about stating the obvious.

Fortune: Tomorrow will be better.

Bah!

Got a copy of my evaluation from my boss Friday.

My job title at the time was bookkeeper/reception, but the only evaluation form for office personnel is labeled "administrative assistant." All of boss's comments refer to me as an administrative assistant.

Evaluation ratings are; Needs Work, Meets Standard, Above Standard.

Boss is continuously giving me praise - verbally and in emails - yet I did not merit one "above standard" rating.

Unbelievable the person who is considered my supervisor lacks basic writing skills and is clueless about spellcheck (among other things). Boss doesn't even know how to spell my last name and I've worked 9 months with boss.

Here are a few excerpts. I've left the spelling errors - wonder what upper management thought when they read it.

Job knowledge:
Z is the front line of walk in's for applicants and clients for recertification process or paying bills. In a very quick paced office, Z excels at her responsibilities of accounts payables/receivables along with the abundance of documentation such as purchase orders in an organized system. Z has implemented many systems to track and monitor administrative/office functions. Z has mastered excel systems as well as the company's accounting system. Z is exemplary in her roll as administrative assistant as well as her strong bookkeeping skills. Z's level of dedication is exemplary.

Dependability:
Z by far is exemplary when it comes to dependability and reliability. Z is always eager to take on additional work when needed. If Z is uable to, she will be honest and state what she has in front of her to do then ask when do you need it? Z's level of support and dedication is excellent. Z takes pride in the quality of her job performance and can always be counted on.

Productivity:
Z has strengthened the office procedures with her excellent comuputer and organizational skills. Z's communication with office staff as well as with maintenance staff is very positive. Z maintains timely and accurate payroll records. The accounts payable and receivables has improved greatly over the past 4 months due to Z's strong business sense. Z takes her job seriously. Z takes pride in her level of organizational and her ability to achieve quality assurance with all administrative functions. Z is instrumental in achieving accurate client files as well as vendor files and correspondence.

Interpersonal Skills:
In an office that can be extremely challenging, Z has done well with welcoming the general public. All too often, Z is answering a phone with an individual who is demanding and, for example, when explained the application process, can be quite difficult.
Z has developed a great rapor with vendors and agency representatives as well as client relations.

Communication:
Z excels at her ability to clearly and convincingly express her ideas, facts, suggestions and direction in a written and oral manner. Z presents herself well to staff as well as clients. Z is instrumental in her ability to flow the activity within the office as well as on the field with maintenance staff to get the job done.

Boss is exactly the same in person - speech is jumbled and nonsensical. And boss thinks boss is better than most of our clients.

Fortune: One day you will have stupid boss.

MARKET BASKET 3:pm PM yesterday - m4w

Reply to: pers-5xxxx035@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-26, 7:01AM EST
tall good looking blond. you hare nice flowers and I was tolking to you abouter. email me
Location: concord

Heh?

Fortune: Life is not a struggle. It's a wiggle.

HWW=Hot Women Wanted - m4w

Reply to: pers-5xxx655@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-19, 10:09PM EST
Is it too much to ask? One question! Where are all of the hot females in NH? It is so hard to find hot women on the internet, as it probably is to find a hot guy. I just sit back and read the profiles and come to the conclusion that I either have to lower standards or go venture out and try to meet someone face to face. Atleast there you know that your getting the most up to date profile, in person, nothing to hide. I guess what i am getting at is that i have missed the connections with the beautiful women i've been around and am just seeking to regain the things that i took for granted, hot friends. Where the hell are they. Please help!
PS: I am really not shallow, just honest.
Location: All Over NH

Dude. You've got to be kidding me.

Fortune: You may have to repeat yourself to be understood.

Freecycle Gone Wrong

Offer in Kittery
I have three bags of unopened icing that is found in cinnamon rolls in the refrg.'d section at the grocery store. We are dieting so I don't want these...PU can be today. tx Nancy

What's more ridiculous? The icing being offered or Nancy thinking cinnamon rolls without icing are okay when dieting? (How many have they eaten now that 3 bags have accumulated!?) No one wants this icing, right? I guess there is such a thing as over doing waste conscientiousness (when you are weight conscious).

I picture Will Ferrell emailing her, "Dear Nancy, I'll take those 3 bags off your hands. The wife and I love slathering up in icing and licking it off of each other..."

I dunno. She's asking for trouble with that offer.

Fortune: The wheel of good fortune is finally turning in your direction!

NAPA DELIVERY GIRL

NAPA DELIVERY GIRL - m4w - 27
Reply to: pers-xxxxx676@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-03, 4:25PM EST
YOU THE ONE I EYE EVERYDAY WHEN YOU BRING ME MY PARTS IN ROCHESTER, BEUTIFUL SMILE, KILLER LOOKS MMMMM, I JUST WANT TO HAVE A NIGHT OF WILD TIMES WITH YOU. YOU HAVE THE MOST SEXY EYES I HOPE YOU SEE THIS POSTING. TODAY WE CHATTED OUTSIDE WHILE I SMOKED A BUTT, AND YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT THE NEW TRUCKS YOU GUYS GOT, AND I JUST COULD STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW BAD I WANT TO HAVE YOU. I REALLY HOPE YOU READ THIS. I DONT KNOW IF YOIU HAVE A BOYFRIEND, AND REALLY I DONT CARE, I DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP. I JUST WANT YOU ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!

Just what a gal wants to hear from a guy...

Fortune: Do not rely on those who do not care about you.

One Million Dollars

This is ugly, right? Bad, bad, bad architect/architecture. Built in 2004. Price tag: $999,999.00.
The ad boasts, "This quality built Colonial has a Victorian flair and is finished in Feng Shui design..." Uh. Right.

Fortune: Think of the danger while things are going smoothly.